


A Night Without Regrets

by Willow1871



Category: Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Loss, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 09:21:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15093806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willow1871/pseuds/Willow1871
Summary: Takes place the night before the 57th Recon mission and falls into the next day and the after math of that day.





	A Night Without Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Attack on Titan.  
> Also this is the first fic I ever wrote containing these two and their relationship. I personally like the second one I wrote better but practice as a writer will do that. So if you like this one please check out my other one called A Life Unspoken.

This takes place the night before they leave on the 57th reconnaissance mission.

A Night Without Regrets

Levi's P.O.V.

After final preparations were made for the recon mission, I was relieved to go back to my room. It was going to be hard not explaining this mission to my squad, I trusted them but I understood Erwin's discretion.

I remove my jacket, hanging it on the back of the chair, before sitting and pulling off my boots. I start to unbuckle the chest strap, not getting very far when I hear a light knock.

"Yes, who is it?"

"Captain Levi, it's me Petra."

I walk over to the door and open it, finding the smallest on my squad looking rather nervous. Seeing her this way wasn't normal, she was the last to show concern before a mission, trusting me all to much.

I can't deny the fact that my feeling for this woman had grown since I had recruited her, she had the highest kill count of my squad, she was kind and even tempered, she was the type of person that could kill you with kindness, and the fact that she was an inch shorter then me had a bit to do with the attraction.

"Do you have a minute? I'd like to talk to you."

"Come on in Petra."

She doesn't hesitate, though the nervousness does not dissipate. I close the door and turn to her.

"Is it about tomorrow?" I ask.

"Yes...and no." She says looking down at her feet.

"I've never seen you like this before a mission, what is it?"

"It has nothing to do with the mission."

"Something about Eren?"

"No, nothing like that."

I sigh, out of ideas. "Then what is it?"

She finally looks at me. "With every mission I feel as though our time is getting shorter, every time we came back alive I think the next time we wont be so lucky. You and I both know that even with a routine mission that things can go wrong. I don't want to regret not doing something when I had the chance."

She takes two steps forward putting her right in front of me. Her hands come up to my chest, not touching me for a second before she works up the courage to finally lay her hands on me.

"Captain, when I joined your squad, I can't say it was without fear, but I convinced myself that as long as I was beside you nothing would happen, I trust you with my life fully and in doing so I have fallen in love with the man who stands before me."

"Petra..."

She shakes her head. "You don't have to say anything, and I wont let the events of tonight tarnish our relationship inside the mission or the squad. I just need to know that I did what I wanted to do while I could, before the inevitable happens."

Her hands slide up my chest, her fingers working to get my chest strap unbuckled the rest of the way. I fought the inner battle of stopping her, sending her on her way or pulling her closer. In the end my hands moved up to her shoulders, then to her neck and to the back of her head before I pulled her in and kissed her.

Her hands seemed to work faster now, pushing the leather strapping off my shoulders and going straight for my belt. She pushes her tongue against my lips, I don't deny her entry and as our tongues mingle my feet make a decision to move us, pushing her further into my room as she continues to work the clasps on my pants at my waist.

Her hands leave my body as they help her descend backwards onto my bed. I slowly follow not letting our lips part, putting one knee on each side of her hips. What am I thinking? I can't let this happen. Petra is one of my best soldiers, am I willing to risk her for one night? This could go so badly, but she said that this wouldn't get in the way of our professional relationship, but I had to make sure.

I pull back looking at her, searching her face for deception. I push away the image of her parted lips, her cheeks flushed, her chest rising and falling at a quick rate, her eyes seemed to be searching for something as well. Her hands move to make quick work of the leather strapping at my thighs working both buckles one handed.

What I find is trust, devotion, lust, desperation and lastly the love she described. She was right, we both knew the risks we all took when we stepped outside the protection of the walls and I couldn't stop myself from admitting that I also would regret it if this didn't happen. For to have something and lose it is far better then to lose something you never had, as painful as that can be.

But I wouldn't let that happen, I trusted my squad to keep each other safe in my absents, which unfortunately would be the case in tomorrows mission, all though I could not tell her this. I had to put faith in my squad and in their abilities.

I lean forward kissing her again, feeling the heat that had left in my moment of thought. My hand comes up off the mattress, slowly working the buttons of her shirt. Her hands do the same at my shirt, woking faster then mine. She pushes the fabric off my shoulders. Breaking the kiss I take a few seconds to discard it off my arms, throwing it to the ground. I grab her waist and pull her into a straddling position on my lap. Her shirt is open and lose against her body. I kiss her again lightly moving to her jaw and then to her neck as I push her shirt off her shoulders. Her hands are in my hair pulling me closer.

I discard her shirt, letting it slip from my fingers, falling to the floor. My lips work down to her shoulder finding the strap of her bra, hiding the permanent bruising caused by the maneuvering gear. My thumbs gently slip under both straps and guide them down her arms before having to move to her back to unhook the band. My hands slide to the small of her back, she takes in a deep breath letting it out in a sigh. Her hands are on my shoulders and I feel her tense up.

I lay back on the bed looking up at her as she holds her bra against her body. I'm about to tell her we don't have to do this when she shakes her head.

"I'm sorry, it's just that..."

"We, don't have to..."

She nods, "Yes...yes I do. I'm just nervous." She gives me a weak smile.

I sit back up putting my left hand in her hair and kissing her while my right hand gently coxes her hands to let go of her bra. Once she lets go, I drop it next to the bed. I wrap my arm around her waist and move her so her back is once again against the mattress.

Using both my arms to keep me propped up I start to kiss my way down her jaw to her neck, shoulders and eventually to her chest. Lightly I kiss the pinkness of her nipples before moving to the middle of her chest and woking my way further down her body to her abdomen before my right hand comes off the bed to work at the clasps at her pants. I glimpse up at her and find her eyes closed, lips pated, hands grasping at the pillow beneath her head. Her body moves, hips rolling as my lips kiss right below her waist band.

Sitting up on my knees, my hands move down her legs to the heel of her boots, pulling off one at a time as her eyes open to look at me. Again I get the feeling of second thoughts, but the way her hands move across her skin reassures me. Her thumbs hook the fabric of her pants and under garments as she pushes them down her legs. My hands rush to aid hers getting them off with little effort.

I try not to stare as she settles her now fully naked body on my bed, this isn't the first time I had seen a woman naked nor my first time with a woman in general but something about her was different.

She looks at me, pink bringing her cheeks to life before she turns her gaze somewhere else. Shit I must have made her feel insecure. I move, using my right arm to support my weight while the left touches her waist, I lean forward putting my lips to her exposed ear.

"Petra, you're beautiful."

One set of fingers is weaving their way into my hair, the others are lightly caressing the nape of my neck. Now I understood the killing zone of a titan could be sensitive to us humans if only touched in the right way, the hair on my arms rises to salute the only woman that has been able to make me feel this way.

"Captain..."

"Just Levi, I wont have such an intimate event be ruined with formality."

I lift up enough to look at her and she pulls me in, kissing me with new found confidence. Her hands are at my waist again, pushing at my pants and the leather harness. My right hand moves to help her push at them not wanting to waste any more time.

I pull away from the kiss and her grasp to get the frustrating fabric off my legs only to return to her embrace with rushed kisses, from lip to neck before her legs wrap around the backs of my legs. Through all this I had been able to ignore the ever growing need between my legs, but as I lower my body onto her I am reminded of the desperate need for release.

A thought comes to mind like a light in the dark. "Have you been with some one before?" I breath against her neck.

Her breathing is labored and irregular. "No."

I take a second to swallow back my need, knowing she needed me to proceed with tenderness, I would show her the kindness she has shown me.

"I trust you." She says against my lips before kissing me.

My right hand slides down her body to her hip before moving across her inner thigh and to the heat of her core. She brakes the kiss in a surprised moan as my fingers softly caress the wetness between her legs, her hips surprising me as they roll into my touch.

The throbbing between my own legs responds in the slightest of thrusts, I grip the sheets below her, fighting back. Her hips roll into my hand again reminding me that my fingers haven't moved. As they slide against her the tips slip into her entrance, I follow through with the movement, pushing them in further. At first I thought it to much as her body tightened around the strange objects, her whole body tensing up only to relax at the sound of a moan. Her body continued to rock into my hand as my fingers explored her.

The tightness begins to ease just as her moans drive me to my breaking point. I lean forward and kiss her neck Her fingers are again playing in my hair and the back of my neck. I remove my fingers, groaning a bit as I take ahold of the throbbing member and guiding it to her opening.

Her leg slides up the back of mine as she puts her heel at the small of my back. She's not inept, she knew what was coming, she took in a breath of air holding it as I pushed into her. Her heel dug into my back, fingers pulling at my hair, she was tight, but her body excepted her desire to see this through as it excepted me.

I groan as I push in deeper and deeper, until I reach her end. Her body begins to relax as she lets out the breath she was holding, I start to withdraw causing her to whimper, only getting half way before pushing in again. She doesn't hold her breath this time, instead she lets out a moan so delicious I can't help but rock my pelvis against her. Her fingers react, tightening their grip on my hair as her hips rock into me.

I continue this motion of pulling back halfway, thrusting in and grinding my pelvis against her. Her breathing is taken over by moans and cries. I kiss her neck to distract myself, she feels far too good to lose this war now.

Her body starts to change, she was tight before but now her inner walls are quivering. It's been a while since I was this way with a woman but I knew what I was doing. My right hand moved to grab hold of her hip while I balance on my left arm, I quickened my thrusts. I feel fingers digging into my shoulder blades.

"Levi!" Her body freezes as she continues to cry out.

I start to slow my hips drawing out each thrust as she starts to breath again. Her fingers release my back. My hips are still moving as I move to look at her. Her cheeks are even redder still, theres a thin sheen of sweat across her forehead that looks beautiful with the absents of dirt and blood that usually accompany it. I can't help but to lean forward and kiss her, our tongues mingling once more.

She thrusts into my push, my mouth catching her moan as my hips start to quicken yet agin. I pull away from the kiss with a grunt, letting my forehead fall to her shoulder as she tightens again, to quickly since the last time. I let out a hiss knowing that I didn't have enough time to recover from the last one and if we kept going it would be the end of my self control.

Her words are airy as she pleads for me to keep going. I reach up, taking a strong hold on the head board of the bed begging it for strength as I use it to pull myself into her, thrusting hard. Her body starts to quiver again and I can't hold back this time. Her fingers are digging into my shoulders again as she starts to cry out. I push through her orgasm bring me to mine.

"Petra..." I moan against her neck, thrusting once more before I let go completely.

I feel the release deep inside her and know the out come of tonight, I'd never let anyone have her the way I do right now, she was mine and I'd make it official once we got back. I lay my forehead against hers. She tips her chin and kisses me, the lightest of kisses. Our breath is hot against each others faces and I love the way she feels beneath me.

All to soon the moment is over and I have to move, my muscles screaming to rest. I pull free from her and move to the side laying down beside her. She turns to face me as I continue to settle my breathing.

"I know tomorrows going to be a long day so I better be going." She says with a smile.

After all this she still doesn't understand that this was not just for her to clear her regret. If it had just been for her, I wouldn't have done what I did. She turns over and starts to get up.

"Petra, stay with me..." She slowly lays back down, I wrap my arm around her middle, moving closer, putting my chin on her shoulder, nose where it can breath in her scent. "As long as we're alive." I finish my thought. I picked her for my squad, and I'll continue to pick her.

I lay there until her breathing is a natural shallow breath, I think of one more thing I should tell her, but knowing she's asleep, I'd tell her tomorrow when we were both back in this bed, that I loved her. I take a deep breath and let myself sprout the wings of freedom and fly into dreams of the future.

…........................

After returning to base all I wanted to do was take a shower. My mind couldn't think of anything else but basic needs. I don't even remember taking off my clothes, or turning on the shower, But as I feel it beating against my back turning from hot to cold I start to wonder how long I'd been standing here. What does it matter anyway? My whole squad is gone, our mission failed.

I turn off the water, stepping out of the shower and not finding a towel hanging on the rack. Fuck it. I walk out of the bathroom still wet, into my bedroom. I pull back the sheets, letting my body fall to the mattress. The moment the sheets cover me I smell it, her smell, Petra's smell. I pull the cotton closer to me wrapping my whole body in it.

Flashback: When I woke up this morning things seemed different, better. Although the sun isn't up just yet I know I have a long day ahead. I feel her body next to me, my hand on her hip, her hair lightly tickling my face. I slide my hand from her hip to her stomach and up between her breast as I pull her closer to me. She lets out a sleepy moan and I can't help but smile before hiding it in her hair. She wiggles lightly against my hold exciting things under the sheets. I put my lips to her neck leaving long lingering kisses against her skin.

"Mmmm..."

"Can we do this again tonight?" I whisper against her ear.

"I'd like that."

End flashback.

I hate that I get to lay here in our bed while her body lay out there in some open field, crushed into the earth by a titan. I close my eyes tight starting to feel the sting behind them and not wanting to be weak.

Theres a light knock on the door, reminding me all to much of her knock last night.

I open my eyes. "Just a minute." I say irritated.

Why couldn't they all understand that I have lost everything today. My reputation, my mission, my squad, my Petra. I pull on a pair of sleep pants and a lose long sleeve shirt and open the door.

Looking at me is a young woman that I have never seen before. "Who the hell are you?" I ask.

"My names Candice, Sir. I was sent by the higher ups to help out around here, considering..." She trails off.

"So what do you want?" I ask.

"I was wondering if you wanted me to change out your sheets?"

I close my eyes for a brief second. And contemplate if I could let her do that.

"No...no I do not want you to change my sheets, never are you to touch my sheets, in fact don't even come into my room!" I yell.

The girl starts to cower away.

"Whoa, Levi." I hear Erwin's voice from the shadows. "No need to rip off the girls head."

"She is trying to take my sheets!"

"No one is taking your sheets. Why don't you come walk with me, cool off a bit."

"I don't want to."

"That's an order Corporal."

I sigh, walking out of my room, closing the door behind me and reluctantly following the bigger man down the hall.

We settle in the dinning hall, Erwin pouring two cups of tea, setting one down in front of me.

"I know this must be hard on you Levi."

"Their all gone." I say looking at the cup of tea.

"I feel partly to blame for that."

"I should have been there."

"You had no way of knowing."

"I have nothing left except those sheets."

"What?"

"I gave the patch to the stupid kid who was crying about if friend being dead. It wasn't his patch to have, the smell will fade, it was all I had left."

"Levi?"

"I should have told her when I had the chance, that's what last night was all about."

"Told her?"

"PETRA! God damn it... Petra. She came to me last night, fuck did she some how know?"

"Levi, your not making any sense."

I sigh. "Petra and I had sex last night."

"As a Superior we're not suppose to..."

"Yeah well none of that matters now does it?"

I look down at the cup of tea.

"I loved her Erwin, I didn't think I could but in the end I did." I slammed my fist down on the table making the tea cups jump. "Fuck, and then before it could all sink in, the moment we get back, I'm bombarded by her father telling me how he is so proud of Petra and based on her latest letter home to him, he had come to terms with her decision to devote her life to me. He started talking about marriage and I wanted nothing more then to turn to him and tell him my intentions, but as it is those intentions are gone, and I couldn't even bring myself to tell him she was dead, that I had let her die." My voice is flat. "And because I gave her patch to that kid I have nothing left of her but her sweet scent that lingers in my bed. I couldn't even bring her body back because of those idiots."

"Levi."

"Don't, I don't want your pity. All I want is that titan."

"We'll get her."

"Do me a favor, while were dealing with all this shit tomorrow, have the new cleaning girl wash my sheets."

"Are you sure?"

"I have to keep moving forward."

Erwin nods.

I get up from my seat, making my way back to my room mindlessly, I'll give myself one night, one night to feel sorry for my pitiful self, but with the rise of tomorrows sun I will be ready to fight again, with a new day brings new hope for those of us still alive. I don't want my hope, give it to someone else. I'll go back to being hopeless, maybe then I wont feel like I traded their lives, her life, for hope I should never have had. Petra I'm sorry.


End file.
